It was early May of 2015 and one week to the day after our 25th anniversary that my partner, Theresa, had a horrible accident. That fall left her with a severed spinal cord and quadriplegia. The paralysis affected all her limbs and she was left with no use of her hands. Our lives changed instantly, and completely.

She was five months in hospital: the first two in Intensive Care Trauma and then in the local rehab centre. We used to say that, at the former, they saved her life and, at the latter, they showed her how to live it.

It was a blessing that Theresa, who had been teaching at the university here, suffered no cognitive impairment. We had strong support from the medical establishment and from family and friends.

Theresa had always been an avid reader and thanks to some supportive technology we were able to set up a system whereby she could continue to read. That was one of her favourite pastimes, as had always been true of her. We regularly enjoyed our literary discussions.

Although much of our life was circumscribed by the results of the accident, we had many happy times over the next eight years. She lived those years of constant pain, frequent hospitalization, and physical dependence with courage, dignity, and equanimity.

By late 2022, however, Theresa was experiencing increasing pain and a steady decrease in her already severely limited physical capacity. In November she asked me to read “The Last Doctor,” which she had read the previous September. That opened up our many conversations about MAID. She told me that she’d had enough, and that she was worn out. I could not disagree.

The next few months went by all too quickly. For the most part, Theresa’s decision to access MAID was well received by doctors, family, and friends. We had read somewhere that “although MAID does take away a life, first it gives it back.” That was our experience. Once the decision was made and the plans settled, Theresa was better in every way – even physically. She described her approaching death as “a good outcome” for her. I understood.

Nonetheless, I was going through a complex and conflicting set of reactions. The planned nature of her impending death was entirely uncharted territory for me, and everyone to whom I would ordinarily have looked for support was also in that same space. So I was very grateful to find and reach out to MAID Family Support Society. The understanding, empathy, and sharing of experience offered me by the volunteer who contacted me was invaluable.

The day before Theresa’s provision we had an Irish wake with all the family. The only atypical part was that the celebrant was with us to enjoy it all fully. The following day, June 4th, 2023, our closest family participated in the ritual Theresa and I had planned. It was memorable, serene, peaceful, and exactly as Theresa had chosen – a blessing for all of us. I am forever grateful she was able to meet her death on her own terms, accompanied by those we loved.