Understanding complicated grief: When to seek professional help

Grief is a deeply personal journey. When someone we love dies, it’s natural to feel sadness, longing, and disorientation. For most people, grief slowly changes over time. It softens and life gradually becomes manageable again.

However, the intensity of grief doesn’t ease. Instead, it lingers, disrupts daily life, and makes moving forward feel like it’s impossible. This is often called complicated grief (sometimes referred to as prolonged grief disorder). Recognizing when grief has become overwhelming is an important step in finding the right kind of support that fits for you.

What is complicated grief?

Complicated grief happens when the grieving process remains stuck in a heightened state. Rather than easing with time, the pain continues to dominate your thoughts and emotions, preventing you from fully living your everyday life. Unlike typical grief, which eventually allows space for healing and new routines, complicated grief can leave someone feeling like they are trapped in the loss and unable to imagine life without their loved one.

Signs and symptoms of complicated grief

Everyone grieves differently, but there are certain experiences that may point to complicated grief. These can appear emotionally, socially, and sometimes even physically.

Emotional and cognitive signs

You may notice unrelenting sadness, frequent rumination about the death, or difficulty accepting that your loved one is gone. Feelings of bitterness, emptiness, or the belief that life has no purpose without them can also be present.

Behavioural and social signs

With complicated grief, it’s common to withdraw from others or avoid reminders of your loved one. Some struggle to reconnect with friends or find joy in activities that once mattered. Everyday responsibilities may start to feel overwhelming.

Physical and health-related signs

Grief affects the body as well as the mind. Ongoing fatigue, changes in appetite, and trouble sleeping are common. Over time, health may decline if grief continues to interfere with self-care.

Duration and impact

Complicated grief often lasts well beyond what feels typical. Instead of softening over months, the pain stays raw. Daily functioning—whether at work, in relationships, or at home—becomes more difficult.

Risky thoughts or behaviours

The most serious warning sign is when grief is accompanied by thoughts of self-harm, wishing to be with the deceased, or using alcohol or drugs to numb the pain. These are signals that professional help is urgently needed.

What makes some people more vulnerable?

Not everyone experiences complicated grief, but some circumstances can increase the risk:

  • The nature of the loss: A sudden, unexpected, or traumatic death often makes grieving more difficult
  • The relationship: Losing a child, partner, or someone with whom you had a very close bond can intensify grief
  • Mental-health history: People with past experiences of depression, anxiety, or trauma may be more vulnerable
  • Support system: Grief can feel heavier without a strong network of family, friends, or community
  • Multiple stressors: Facing several losses or additional life challenges—like financial stress or health concerns—can compound grief

When to seek professional help

It can be hard to know when grief has shifted into something that requires professional support. Here are some helpful guidelines:

  • Time: If grief remains as intense as it was in the first months and this continues for half a year or more, it may be time to seek help
  • Functioning: When grief makes it hard to manage everyday tasks, work responsibilities, or relationships, professional support can help
  • Risk: Any thoughts of self-harm or feelings that life is not worth living are signs to reach out immediately
  • Health: If grief is accompanied by ongoing anxiety, depression, or physical illness that isn’t improving, additional support is needed

Types of support available

The good news is that complicated grief is treatable. With the right care, many people find relief and begin to move forward while still honouring their loved one’s memory.

  • Grief-focused therapy: Specialized approaches like Prolonged Grief Treatment (PGT) help people process their loss and re-engage with life
  • Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): This can help manage unhelpful thoughts, feelings of guilt, and avoidance behaviours
  • Support groups: Connecting with others who have experienced similar losses reduces isolation and creates community
  • Medication: In some cases, medication may be helpful when grief is accompanied by depression or anxiety
  • Self-care: While it may feel impossible, small acts of care—rest, movement, nutrition, or spiritual practices—support the healing process

Taking the next step

If you think you may be experiencing complicated grief, here are some things you can do:

  • Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or community leader about how you’re feeling
  • Reach out to a counsellor or mental health professional with experience in grief support
  • Explore peer support or grief groups in your community
  • Plan ahead for anniversaries and other difficult dates, creating space for remembrance while staying supported
  • Most importantly: don’t wait until you’re at a breaking point. Seeking help early can make healing more accessible

A note of hope

Complicated grief is painful and isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. With compassionate support and the right tools, healing is possible. Many people find new meaning, strength, and even moments of joy again while carrying their loved one’s memory forward.

At MAID Family Support Society, we are here to walk alongside you in this journey. If you’ve supported a loved one through MAID and your grief feels overwhelming, we encourage you to reach out – for connection, for resources, and for the hope that healing is possible.

 

Photo by K. Mitch Hodge on Unsplash

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