Supporting someone who is grieving: What to say and do – A guide for friends and family

Grief is a deeply personal experience and supporting someone through it can feel daunting. Whether you’re a close friend, family member, or colleague, your presence and compassion can make a significant difference. This guide offers practical advice on what to say and do to support someone who is grieving, emphasizing the importance of empathy, patience, and understanding.

Understanding grief

Grief manifests uniquely in each individual. It can encompass a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion. Recognizing that there is no “right” way to grieve is crucial. People may experience intense emotions, physical symptoms like fatigue or sleep disturbances, and may withdraw socially or become more irritable. These reactions are all normal parts of the grieving process.

What to say

Choosing the right words can be challenging, but expressing genuine sympathy and offering a listening ear are vital.

• Acknowledge the loss: Simple statements like “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I’m thinking of you” can provide comfort.
• Offer your presence: Saying “I’m here for you” or “I’m just a phone call away” reassures the grieving person that they are not alone.
• Share memories: If appropriate, sharing a positive memory of the deceased can help celebrate their life and provide a sense of connection.

Avoid clichés or phrases that might minimize their pain, such as, “They’re in a better place” or “Everything happens for a reason.” These can unintentionally invalidate their feelings.

What to do

Actions often speak louder than words. Here are some thoughtful ways to support someone who is grieving:

• Offer practical help: Assist with everyday tasks like cooking meals, running errands, or helping with childcare. Grieving individuals may find it challenging to manage daily responsibilities.
• Be present: Sometimes, just sitting together in silence can be comforting. Your presence alone can provide solace.
• Check in regularly: Grief doesn’t have a set timeline. Continue to reach out in the weeks and months following the loss, as support often diminishes over time.
• Respect their grieving process: Understand that everyone grieves differently. Avoid pushing them to “move on” or “get over it.” Allow them to express their emotions at their own pace.

What to avoid

While your intentions may be to comfort, certain actions or words can inadvertently cause harm:

• Don’t compare grief: Avoid saying things like “I know how you feel” or sharing your own experiences unless the grieving person invites it. Their grief is unique to them.
• Don’t offer unsolicited advice: Refrain from telling them how they should grieve or what they should do to feel better.
• Don’t minimize their pain: Phrases like “At least they lived a long life” or “It was their time” can diminish their feelings of loss.

Additional tips

• Encourage professional support: If appropriate, gently suggest seeking help from a counsellor or joining a support group. Professional guidance can be beneficial in navigating complex emotions.
• Respect their space: Some people may need solitude to process their grief. Let them know you’re available when they’re ready to talk or spend time together.
• Follow up: Grief doesn’t end after the funeral. Continue to check in and offer support as needed.

Conclusion

Supporting someone who is grieving requires empathy, patience, and a willingness to be present. By offering a listening ear, practical assistance, and emotional support, you can help ease their journey through this challenging time. Remember, your compassion and understanding can provide a beacon of light in their darkest moments.

If you’re looking for more resources or assistance in supporting a grieving loved one, consider reaching out to local support organizations or professionals who specialize in grief counselling.