Navigating emotion when someone you love chooses MAID

When a loved one is facing end-of-life choices, it can feel like the ground beneath you has shifted. Decisions that are deeply personal, complex, and often misunderstood can bring forward a wide range of emotions – sometimes all at once. Confusion, sadness, fear, love, anger, guilt, relief, and even gratitude can co-exist in ways that feel overwhelming.

At MAID Family Support Society (MFSS), a Canadian non-profit supporting families across the country, we often hear from family members and friends who say, “I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel.” The truth is: there is no single “right” emotional response. Understanding your emotional landscape can help you navigate this time with more compassion for yourself and for the person you love.

The emotional complexity of end-of-life choices

End-of-life decisions in Canada are not just medical or legal considerations – they are emotional experiences that touch on identity, values, relationships, and unresolved history. When someone you love is considering options about how and when they will die, it can challenge your sense of control, safety, and future.

Within the Canadian healthcare context—where end-of-life care, advance care planning, and MAID exist within specific legal and medical frameworks—you may find yourself moving through emotions that feel contradictory:

• Love and grief at the same time
• Support and resistance in the same conversation
• Relief alongside deep sadness
• Understanding mixed with fear or uncertainty

These emotional layers are not a sign that you are doing something wrong. They are a natural response to an extraordinary situation.

Common emotions families experience

While every journey is unique, there are emotional themes that many families recognize in themselves.

Anticipatory grief

Anticipatory grief is the sorrow felt before a death occurs. You may grieve future moments you know you will not share, or feel a sense of loss even while your loved one is still alive. This type of grief is real, valid, and often misunderstood.

Guilt and self-doubt

Many people question their reactions:

• Am I being selfish?
• Am I supporting them enough?
• Should I feel relief?

Guilt often arises not because you are doing something wrong, but because you care deeply and want to do right by your loved one.

Fear and uncertainty

Fear can show up around the unknown – medical processes, timing, family reactions, or what life will look like afterward. Even when a loved one is calm or resolute, family members may feel unsettled or unprepared.

Anger and frustration

Anger can be directed at the illness, the system, circumstances, or even the situation itself. These feelings are often rooted in helplessness and grief, not a lack of love.

Love, connection, and meaning

Amid the pain, some families experience moments of profound connection, honesty, and intimacy. Conversations can become deeper, time can feel more intentional, and love can become more visible.

Why conflicting emotions are normal

End-of-life choices bring together two powerful realities: the desire to hold on and the desire to reduce suffering. Holding both truths at once is emotionally demanding. You can support your loved one’s autonomy while still wishing the situation were different. Allowing space for complexity—rather than forcing yourself into a single emotional narrative—can reduce shame and emotional exhaustion.

Giving yourself permission to feel

One of the most important steps in navigating this time is giving yourself permission to feel what you feel, without judgment. Helpful reminders:

• You are allowed to have emotions that don’t match others in your family
• You are allowed to feel moments of relief
• You are allowed to struggle, even if your loved one feels at peace
• You are allowed to need support

Emotions are not instructions. They are signals that something meaningful is happening.

Talking about feelings without causing harm

Many families worry that expressing their emotions will burden or upset their loved one. While every situation is different, gentle, honest communication can often strengthen connection.

Consider:

• Speaking from your own experience (“I’m feeling scared” rather than “You’re making me scared”)
• Asking permission before heavy conversations
• Seeking outside support so your loved one does not have to carry your emotional weight alone

Support groups, counsellors, and peer support can be invaluable during this time.

You don’t have to navigate this alone

Facing a loved one’s end-of-life choices can be isolating, especially when others don’t understand the complexity of the situation. Compassionate, non-judgmental support can make a profound difference.

MAID Family Support Society exists to support families and loved ones across Canada through the emotional, practical, and human realities surrounding a loved one’s decision to access MAID. Whether you need someone to listen, to help you make sense of your feelings, or to walk alongside you through uncertainty, support is available.

Moving forward with compassion

You may not find clarity all at once. Emotional understanding often unfolds slowly, in waves. What matters most is meeting yourself where you are, with kindness, patience, and honesty.

By acknowledging your emotional landscape, you create space for healing, connection, and meaning, even in the midst of profound difficulty.

If you are supporting someone facing end-of-life choices in Canada, know this: your presence, your care, and your willingness to feel deeply already matter more than you may realize.

How MAID Family Support Society can help

MAID Family Support Society offers free, confidential, peer-based support for families, friends, and caregivers across Canada who are supporting someone who has chosen MAID. Our services include:

• One-on-one peer support with trained volunteers who understand the emotional complexity of a MAID death
• Guidance and emotional support before, during, and after a MAID death, including anticipatory grief and bereavement
• Non-judgmental listening spaces for loved ones who may feel conflicted, isolated, or unsure where to turn

The Many Faces of MAID

MFSS has published a book that is specifically about all the emotions people feel when a loved one chooses MAID. Pick up a copy of The Many Faces of MAID for additional support.

You do not need to have all the answers. You do not need to feel certain. You only need to know that support is available.

If someone you love is opting for MAID, connect with MAID Family Support Society today to speak with a compassionate peer supporter who understands this journey. Support is available wherever you are in Canada.

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash