MAID, Timbits, and much-needed support
My outgoing and previously fit life partner, Dwight, was diagnosed a few years after his 2008 retirement with COPD, which eventually lead to heart disease. Additionally, in early 2022, a CT scan showed a possible cancer tumour in his abdomen. At the age of 77, his heart couldn’t handle any surgery, his body was worn out and he had become so, so incredibly tired and thin.
Over a few years he’d listened to discussions about the MAID process and when the legislation was passed he realized that it would give him the opportunity to die on his own terms, with dignity. Fading away under full care was not what he wanted at all. He discussed the possibility with me many times, to let me know that if his health declined too severely this would be his final wish.
I’d found it frightening to even consider at first, but as his health and quality of life diminished I had to realize that there was no rewind button for him and his future was looking very bleak. The body of the once vigorous man who took on most challenges in life with energy, humour and enthusiasm was failing. Badly.
When we met over 32 years earlier he was filled with boundless energy and enthusiasm for life. Spirituality, tai chi, nature, fishing, photography, hot springs, bike riding, coffee breaks, his work as an Industrial Electrician all filled his life with passion. He was the greatest supporter of my becoming the strongest and best person I could be. We’d traveled well together, exploring western Canada and the western US in our RV over 10 years of living full-time in a fifth wheel trailer.
With his breathing becoming increasingly more difficult, he made a decision about MAID. On November 11, 2022, the necessary papers were signed, and on January 18, 2023 we went to a local funeral home where a private, comfortably furnished room was made available for him to have the MAID procedure done by a qualified doctor. Dwight didn’t want to die at home and have me reliving that memory of his passing each day that I came home through the door.
In the week leading up to this day, he’d reached out by phone to several people to share his decision for MAID, his upcoming departure date and to say goodbye. Always one to bring humour to any situation, he’d spontaneously invited a few close friends and neighbours to join us an hour beforehand for coffee (they were to bring their own coffee) and he’d supply the Timbits! It was a hit. He chose 11 a.m. for the procedure as, “he was always a morning person!” Always the coffee lover, this was his way of sharing one of the most important parts of his life with those whom he held dear, including his brother, sister-in-law and his former sister-in-law, who’d all driven from Kamloops to the Island to see him and be with him at his passing. The room was filled with much laughter and camaraderie and he was thrilled to have so many come to share a coffee and to say goodbye. He was completely at peace with his decision. As I held his hand, I felt his spirit depart from his body as his heart beat one last time. That brave, brave heart.
The house was so empty with him gone as he was a man whose presence tended to fill a room. When he died a part of me died as well and I was totally bereft. Through my local hospice counsellor I heard about MAID Family Support Society. What a lifeline they were, offering a kind and non-judgmental ear when I felt overwhelmed by grief. I’m so grateful for a volunteer I’ve been able to reach out to for support and am forever grateful for her loving kindness and willingness to listen to me. She offered support when the days were the bleakest for me. Although we’ve never met, I feel so connected by our shared MAID experience.
I am so grateful for MAID Family Support Society in my life. It’s truly been a lifesaver and life-changing for me. Thank you so much to all who have made this possible.
