Honouring a loved one’s wishes: How to respect end-of-life choices

When someone we love reaches the final chapter of life, respecting their end-of-life wishes is one of the most meaningful ways we can show care, compassion, and love. Whether they’ve chosen a natural death, palliative care, or medical assistance in dying (MAID), it’s essential that their personal values, beliefs, and decisions are acknowledged and upheld.

At MAID Family Support Society (MFSS), we understand how emotionally complex this time can be. Families often navigate grief, uncertainty, and sometimes disagreement. But centring the voice of the person at the heart of it all—the one nearing end-of-life—can bring clarity, peace, and dignity to the journey ahead.

1. Have the conversation early and often

Open and honest communication is the foundation of honoring end-of-life wishes. Encourage your loved one to express their preferences about care, comfort, and how they want to be remembered. These conversations may include:

• Preferred location of death (home, hospice, hospital)
• Life-sustaining treatments they do or do not want
• Cultural or spiritual traditions
• Funeral or celebration of life preferences
• Whether they wish to pursue MAID

Revisiting these conversations over time ensures decisions are up to date and reflective of their current feelings.

2. Document their wishes clearly

Encourage your loved one to put their wishes in writing. This could include:

• An advance care plan
• A power of attorney for personal care
• Notes about their preferred memorials or legacy projects

Having legal documents in place helps healthcare providers and family members carry out decisions with confidence, even in emotionally charged situations.

3. Be an advocate and ally

Supporting a loved one at end-of-life sometimes means being their voice when they no longer have the strength or ability to speak for themselves. This might involve:

• Reminding healthcare professionals of their care choices
• Ensuring their comfort and spiritual needs are met
• Navigating family dynamics with compassion and firmness

If their decisions are questioned by others, your calm and respectful advocacy can help uphold their autonomy.

If your loved one wants to explore MAID and still has the ability to request this for themselves, you can also be their advocate and provide support as they go through the application and assessment process.

4. Respect their autonomy, even when it’s difficult

You may not always agree with your loved one’s decisions, especially if they choose something that challenges your own beliefs, such as requesting MAID. It’s okay to feel conflicted. What matters most is honouring their path and recognizing that this is their life and death.
Support doesn’t mean agreement; it means presence, love, and a willingness to walk beside them without judgment.

5. Lean on support systems

You don’t have to do this alone. If your loved one is considering or going ahead with MAID, MFSS offers peer support from others who have been there. We also have written stories and a gallery of digital stories as well as a resource booklet on grief and MAID that we developed in partnership with Dying with Dignity Canada.

Being supported as a caregiver or family member helps you better support your loved one.

6. Create a legacy together

As you support your loved one, consider ways to celebrate their life now and after they’re gone:

• Record their stories or memories
• Plant a tree or garden in their name
• Create a scrapbook or memory box
• Plan a personalized celebration of life that reflects their values

Legacy-making can be an act of healing and a beautiful way to centre their voice in your ongoing relationship.

Final thoughts

Respecting someone’s end-of-life wishes is one of the greatest gifts we can give. It’s a way to honour who they are, what they value, and how they want to be remembered. Whether they choose MAID or another path, their decisions deserve to be met with care, dignity, and love.

At MAID Family Support Society, we are here to walk with you as you walk beside your loved one. Please reach out for support if you need it.