Helping children and teens understand and process loss: Age-appropriate ways to discuss grief and offer support

Grief touches all of us – adults, teens, and children alike. When a loved one dies, especially through medical assistance in dying (MAID), children and young people often have unique emotional needs. As caregivers, parents, educators, or friends, we play an essential role in helping young people understand death, express their grief, and begin to heal.

In this article, we’ll explore age-appropriate strategies to talk about death and dying, tools to support children and teens through loss, and how to foster open, compassionate conversations that meet them where they are emotionally and developmentally.

Understanding how children grieve at different ages

Grief is not a one-size-fits-all experience, especially when it comes to children. How a child reacts to loss depends largely on their age, stage of development, and personal relationship with the person who died.

Toddlers (Ages 0-3)

At this stage, children don’t understand death as a permanent concept. They may sense something is different—routine disruptions, changes in caregiver mood—but they can’t process what death means.

How to support:

  • Offer extra cuddles and physical comfort.
  • Keep routines as consistent as possible.
  • Use simple language: “They died. That means they won’t be coming back.”
Preschoolers (Ages 3-5)

Young children often see death as temporary or reversible (like in cartoons). They may ask repeated questions or believe their thoughts caused the death.

How to support:

  • Be honest: “Grandpa died. That means his body stopped working and he can’t come back.”
  • Answer questions calmly, even if they are repetitive.
  • Avoid euphemisms like “gone to sleep.” These can cause confusion or fear.
School-aged children (Ages 6-12)

Children in this age group begin to grasp the finality of death but may struggle with expressing feelings. They might worry about who’s next or whether they caused the death.

How to support:

  • Give clear, factual information about what happened.
  • Reassure them that they are safe and not to blame.
  • Offer creative outlets for grief: drawing, journalling, storytelling, or memory boxes.
Teens (Ages 13-18)

Teenagers typically understand death as adults do but may suppress feelings to appear “strong.” They often grapple with complex emotions like anger, guilt, or philosophical questioning.

How to support:

  • Encourage honest conversations without forcing them to talk.
  • Validate their feelings: “It’s okay to be angry, confused, or sad.”
  • Suggest peer support groups, therapy, or trusted mentors.

Talking About MAID with young people

If a loved one has chosen medical assistance in dying, explaining this decision to children and teens requires honesty, compassion, and care. You may feel unsure about how much to share, but young people are often more perceptive than we give them credit for.

Key guidelines:
  • Be truthful, using age-appropriate terms.
  • Explain that MAID is a legal option some people choose when they are very sick and suffering.
  • Emphasize that the person died because of their illness, not because of the child, a mistake, or something that could have been prevented.
  • Encourage questions and be willing to say “I don’t know” if you’re unsure how to answer.

Signs a child may be struggling with grief

Not all children grieve the same way. Some may cry often; others may act out or seem indifferent. Watch for these signs that a child may need extra support:

  • Sleep disturbances or nightmares
  • Regressive behaviors (thumb sucking, bedwetting)
  • Trouble concentrating or declining school performance
  • Physical symptoms (stomach aches, headaches)
  • Withdrawal from friends or usual activities

If these signs persist for more than a few weeks or interfere with daily life, it may be time to connect with a grief counselor or child therapist.

Supporting grieving children: What helps

  • Consistency and routine: Stability helps children feel safe.
  • Create rituals: Light a candle, visit a special place, or hold a remembrance ceremony.
  • Memory sharing: Encourage children to share stories or look at photos.
  • Books and resources: Use storybooks that explain death in relatable, comforting ways.

Resources and support in Canada

At MAID Family Support Society, we believe that families and people of all ages deserve compassionate, non-judgmental support when navigating death and dying. We provide:

  • Peer support for loved ones and caregivers
  • Educational tools and articles
  • Community connection for those impacted by MAID

Explore our Reading Room for more articles on grief, healing, and end-of-life care.

Final thoughts

Helping a child or teen through loss, especially when MAID is involved, is not easy. But it’s possible to foster resilience, understanding, and healing with the right support and open, honest communication.

Remember: You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to be present.

If you’re looking for guidance, connection, or support in the wake of a medically assisted death, visit us at maidfamilysupport.ca or request peer support from one of our caring volunteers.

 

Photo by Jeff Hendricks on Unsplash

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