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Being present: How to support a loved one in their final days

When someone we love is nearing the end of their life, it can be difficult to know what to do or say. Whether they are on a palliative care journey, have chosen medical assistance in dying (MAID), or are navigating a natural decline, what matters most is being present – physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Here are thoughtful and meaningful ways to support your loved one in their final days while honouring their dignity, autonomy, and unique story.

1. Hold space with compassion

One of the most powerful things you can offer is your presence. Sit quietly with them. Let them lead the conversation – or the silence. You don’t need to have the “right words.” Sometimes, a hand to hold or a gentle smile says more than language ever could.

Tip: Turn off your phone. Tune in. These are sacred moments.

2. Ask what matters most to them

Rather than assuming what they need, ask open-ended questions like:

  • “What brings you comfort right now?”
  • “Is there anything you’d like me to help you with?”
  • “What would make these days feel more peaceful for you?”

These questions centre the person’s voice and invite them to take the lead in their care, which is especially important in the MAID context.

3. Create a calm, personalized environment

Small changes can make a big difference. Consider:

  • Playing their favourite music softly in the background.
  • Lighting a candle (if allowed) or bringing in fresh flowers.
  • Displaying cherished photos or keepsakes near their bed.

A peaceful setting helps reduce stress and encourages reflection, both for your loved one and for yourself.

4. Use words with intention

This may be a time for important conversations – or for gentle, everyday words. Affirm their life by:

  • Sharing your favourite memory of them.
  • Saying “thank you,” “I love you,” or “I forgive you.”
  • Reading something meaningful aloud (a poem, a prayer, a letter).

Don’t underestimate the power of honest, heart-centered communication.

5. Offer gentle, practical help

Your loved one may need support with physical or emotional tasks. You can:

  • Prepare their favourite meal or beverage.
  • Help with grooming or personal care if they’re comfortable.
  • Advocate for them with healthcare providers.

If they’ve chosen MAID, offer to help with planning or to simply be a calm, supportive presence in the room.

6. Be willing to sit with grief and uncertainty

End-of-life moments can bring up a mix of emotions: sadness, fear, guilt, love, even relief. It’s okay to feel it all. The goal isn’t to fix or avoid discomfort – it’s to meet it with tenderness and honesty.

Consider connecting with a  peer support volunteer through MAID Family Support Society if you need someone to talk to.

7. Honour their legacy

Ask your loved one how they want to be remembered. This could mean:

  • Recording a video or audio message together.
  • Writing down their stories or words of wisdom.
  • Planning a ceremony or gathering that reflects their values.

When we co-create meaning at the end of life, we strengthen the legacy they leave behind.

8. Take care of yourself, too

Supporting someone at the end of life is emotionally taxing. Rest when you need to. Accept help. Cry, laugh, journal, breathe. You are doing sacred work and you deserve care as much as anyone else in the room.

Final thoughts: Love is presence

Being present in the final days of a loved one’s life is one of the most profound gifts you can give. It doesn’t require perfection – just presence, openness, and love. Whether you’re supporting someone through MAID or a natural death, know that you are not alone.

Need support?

If you’re navigating this journey, MAID Family Support Society offers resources, peer support, and compassionate guidance every step of the way.

 

Photo by Saul Mercado on Unsplash

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